Wednesday, September 24, 2014

Time for Transformation

Sometimes too much time goes by between posts because I don't feel I have anything positive to write.  No glorious journeys to describe.  Sometimes life isn't so inspiring.  But life is a journey.  For certain.  I've decided to write about a variety of experiences on this blog.  For one, I don't think anyone really reads it, so why not write about whatever the heck I am inspired to write about!?...

After running the Way Too Cool 50k (my first Ultra) I went on a couple small runs.  But then I didn't run for months (I think it ended up being 3.5 months, but felt like years in my head).  Along with not running came bad, lazy eating habits and drinking a bit too much too regularly.  I knew in my mind that eventually the desire to run would return.  I began to feel pretty crappy.  Life felt complicated.

Then life got complicated!  My boyfriend's father passed away (while I was volunteering at the Duncan Canyon Aid Station of the Western States Endurance Run).  His mother moved into our tiny house.  Rooms had to be switched, and our house became pathways between boxes.   Somehow, this took months.

Something about Death makes us think about Life.  Things suddenly became clear for me.  I wanted to choose health.  I want to feel vibrant.  Energetic.  Alive.   "I choose health" rolled around in my head and became like a new mantra.  I started getting back out on the trail regularly, getting back into the routine.  I started eating better.  I cut down on drinking.  I felt catapulted back onto the path of choosing health and fitness.  My quiet goal of wanting to complete a 100 mile race by the age of 50 (three years away) started being said out loud.  Yes, that's right.  I want to do this.  I feel I need to do this. 

Somehow it all feels tied together.  Transformation is in the air.  Not just change.  This feels deep.  In a way the 100 mile goal feels like something that I will come out differently on the other end.  Like a purge of sorts.  I am ready to let go of my past that I have been dragging around for years.  I am ready to let go of thinking that I am 'not good enough', capable or 'part of the club'.  I want to release so that there is room for the future, for the new me, the transformed me.  I need to surround myself with people that say "Yes, it is possible!".

It is possible.