Wobbly Wagons and Flat Tires...

Metaphorically speaking, of course. Ugh. I really regret not writing about my 10 mile long run last Friday... I felt GREAT! I did negative splits and had my fastest mile ever (on mile ten even!)... But I didn't bask in the glory and now here I am a week later and all I can say is 11 long ass slow and painful miles later, I'm here to tell ya... it sucked, but I did it!

Yesterday I fell off the wagon... the food wagon that is. It may be one of my worst food days in history! Well, not really I used to eat like this all the time. Yes, on a regular basis! Now, I'm horrified if it happens. Does this sound nutritious and healthy to you?: cereal, mac 'n cheese, ice-cream, more cereal, peanut butter and jelly sandwich, and more mac 'n cheese!!... OMG!!! No wonder my body was feeling it, the wrong fuel was in the tank!

The wagon wasn't the only problem or perhaps it was a symptom of the combination of elements. But today I felt like a deflated flat tire! I abandoned any notion of negative splits before even leaving the house. It was one of those days that I just knew it was all going to be miserable (do ya think there is any kind of self-fulfilling prophecy going on here?!). Just cover the miles, I don't care how slow. So off I went, before the sun had hit the trail. It was hard from the beginning. At the 5.5 mile turnaround mark I would have been happy to be done. I was already sore. On the way back it was hard not to stop and just walk. To be honest, I'm not even sure what kept me going. Everything hurt! But I kept going. The splits were still negative (except one, but it was close). I can't explain that.

At one point, I thought my run felt like a meditation gone bad. My thoughts felt so discouraging and were all over the place. I had to keep reeling them in. Re-focus. Engage in the run, don't shuffle (I have a personal theory that it's when I am lazy and shuffling that injury will occur. So I try to keep my body and mind engaged and run with intention).

I started slow. I ended slow. But I did it.

Are we done yet?! Nope, only half way!

Who Said That?!...

One of the most fascinating discoveries on this adventure was found within. It's me! Or shall I say, my mind. I will admit that I did not fully realize the power of the mind - or at least the trickery. When I first broke through the "I can't" barrier I was aware that it was the mind in play, but I didn't know that it was just the beginning of a long friendship. Luckily early on in my initial research I came across some very interesting articles about this subject so when it started happening I was aware - and prepared.

Let's say that my first awareness was the belief that I could not run a half marathon. It was huge to break through that. Then what I noticed was the constant pop ups of apparent barriers, or "reasons" that I couldn't. When I would start a training run there would be all kinds of reasons that I should not go, should slow down or should stop.

The thought patterns have such clear personality that they have become a voice. I call it the mind-voice and it is so convincing...
You can't run that far.
You're too out of shape.
You run too slow.
You're too old.
Everyone can tell you're not really a runner because you're heavy. You should stop.
This is too hard, you should stop.
How will you ever run 13 miles when you're struggling with 2 miles.
You're hungry, you're going to get faint, you should stop.
Why do you even want to run a half marathon, it's stupid.
It's way to early to be awake, go back to bed.
It's hard to breath, you should stop.
This sucks.
That stitch could be the sign of a heart attack! You should stop.

That last one, by the way, is by far my favorite. It actually made me laugh out loud!

Luckily, I also have a coach-voice! Coach-voice is calm, quiet and steady. Not loud, not even pushy. Just a voice that says...
Maybe you can.
Try.
You can stop if it really is a heart attack, but keep going and see if the stitch goes away.
Just keep running for now.
It is hard, but it is possible.
You're doing the right thing.
Keep going, for now.
Of course it's hard, you've never gone this far before, good job.
It's okay to slow down, but don't stop, yet.
If you need to you can stop, but for now keep putting one foot in front of the other.
Engage.
Breathe.
Run Strong.

One of the articles said that the mind will not let the body give an all out 100% effort. That's it's job, to protect. And that we must, on purpose, train into discomfort. Otherwise the power of the mind will be too strong on race day. Author Dawn Dais talks about how she listens to music (and even books on tape!) on her long runs just to keep the mind occupied. I do certain things in training to teach my body, but I now realize that I am also training my mind.

Unexpected Lessons

I know it would seem obvious, but the importance nutrition plays in running has been a huge lesson for me. Understand that I have always had a topsy turvey relationship ship with food. I have been to the land of Eating Disorders. Great progress and healing has been made over the years but I think it's quite obvious by the slightly round and mushy state of my body that I have yet to overcome the battle completely. I guess my relationship with exercise has always been an on and off again one too. But I am learning. And my desire to be healthy and fit is genuine. Fit and healthy.

Just prior to the half marathon training I had taken over the cooking in my household. Somewhat based on the Tosca Reno Eat Clean philosophy. I am strongly anti-"diet". Yes, you can lose weight but I don't believe most of the fads are long term or truly healthy. When I first discovered the Eat Clean cookbooks I looked through them with the usual skeptical eye, but what I took away from the philosophy is the idea of getting proper nutrients through whole, unprocessed foods, eating small portions more often and exercising. It sounds simple. I know. But when I ventured into the local health food stores I felt like an imposter with my shopping list. Then it hit me; this is how I ate as a kid! I grew up on brown rice, honey, fruit, fresh vegetables and all these other healthy ingredients on my list! Where in my life had I gone astray? I don't know but I am glad to be finding my way back.

Once the half marathon came into the picture, in my panic, I began to do research about how to train. Which I thought would really only be about running. It turns out nutrition is a huge factor. And this makes sense to me now. It's fuel. Last year when I was running I would experience such fatigue and my legs felt like wet sand bags that I had to lug around. I read all kinds of self-criticism into this fatigue. Out of shape. Weak. Lazy. Fat. Will never be the athlete I had once hoped to be. Etc. So this time around, now that I am eating and hydrating consciously I am amazed at how much energy my body does have, and how far I am able to go. Yes, I push my body and it gets exhausted but that is a whole different feeling from the fuzzy fatigue that plagued me last year.

I'll be honest, I want to lose weight. At this time I am approximately 25lbs overweight. But my mindset has changed. I know that without a doubt I am getting fitter. As I get in better shape my metabolism will improve. I will learn to feed my body thoughtfully, consciously with the fuel it needs. In order to be successful in my goals of the half marathon, of being fit, and healthy, I have to treat my body right... It's all part of a greater purpose (that sounds hokey but to me, it's true).